French for "Suddenly Sixty", Soudain Soixante is my personal blog as I move through the process of learning, living and loving the many facets of aging and hopefully, aging artfully. If you are on a similar journey...I hope you will enjoy the blog. I think almost everything is better when shared with others, so I invite you to join me here.
Don’t spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into
a door. ~ Coco Chanel
A door (and me) in Sarlat, France
I had a conversation this past week that provided yet another
opportunity for a “reframe” in my life!I’ve known the power of reframing for years, having been a social worker
and clinician and I am always thankful when someone offers me one (or more) for
The reframe occurred when I was sharing my “checkered”
relationship history. (Checkered: marked by periods of varied fortune
or discreditable incidents.Yup!That about describes the last 20 years of my
life)! The question asked, “Was that man worth six months of your life”? My
answer “No”. The reframe: think about relationships in terms of time.Be clear on your expectations from the first
date, if not before.Don’t wait (or hope
and pray) for him to catch up to where you are or worse yet for him to come around to wanting what you want.He’s either there or he’s not. Own what you want, and go get it.Is this really news to me?No.Have I read this and heard this before? Yes.Do I think I might have finally “gotten it”
this time.I sure hope so.
One of my favorite doorway photos, Sarlat, France
Did your parents ever say “How many times do I have to tell you
_____?Of course, there is no right
answer to the question, which makes it not a child rearing technique but more a
statement of parental frustration.Marketing
professionals have an adage that we need to hear things seven times.Others say three times, and apparently
psychologists suggest at least 20 repetitions are necessary to memorize
information.One wonders exactly how
many times it might take for me to internalize and act in accordance with the
idea that I can and should be clear about who I am and what I want. I think
perhaps that I have been so focused on the endgame (being in a relationship)
that I have neglected to pay attention to whether the man involved is a man who
is the right man. At times I think I become a bit of a chameleon,
taking on the interests of the man in an attempt to promote or maintain the
relationship.Even as I write this, it
is clear to me how faulty that thinking is.I know where that thinking comes from, a childhood coping mechanism that no longer
works.What is my personal call to
action?Keep this in the front of my
mind.Think about it throughout the
day.Find opportunities daily to own my
thoughts and wants and to communicate them clearly to others and myself.In my personal life (as opposed to my
professional life) I think I may be the queen of saying things like “Whatever
you want, anything is fine with me.”Generally that’s true as I am pretty easy going and open to suggestions
and different ideas, however I want to learn how to be clear and to embrace and
share who I am!
Another very cool door in Sarlat, France
How about you?Have you
or are you challenged with anything similar?Have suggestions or stories to share?If so, I think we’d all love to read them.I know I would!!
Now, go back to the top and read the Coco Chanel quote again...makes sense, huh!?!
What is a “reframe” and when is it
Reframing simply refers to something we do all the time: the process
of changing the meaning of a statement or situation.