Sunday, May 7, 2017

Location|In-Between

Lost Items
It is a little over two years since I learned I was being laid off from a job. A five minute conversation that changed my life in ways I could not have imagined. Between then and now I've experienced selling my home (a "choice" by force), participated in the "benefit" programs of state unemployment and healthcare, held a minimum wage job, applied for more jobs than I can count, moved three times in thirteen months, experienced sadness, anger, resentment, depression, isolation, fear, confusion, anxiety; and perhaps most importantly, I have never felt this lost before. I have and am allowing the transition to define me.

Back in October '16 the "universe" spoke to me, twice through articles. I imagine the "universe" may  speak to me more often and that I "can't-don't-won't" listen. Two articles appeared to me during one week about feeling lost. As I considered the Nine Necessary Connections I realized how great the loss has been. I lost the connection to my means of support (financial and in some ways emotional), to place (my home and work), to a group (work colleagues and to a small extent neighbors), to information & knowledge (learning how to negotiate my way through the public welfare system was no easy or pleasant task), meaningful role (my job), and connection to a significant person (many of my work friendships were lost). That is six of the nine connections!

My losses beg so many questions. Will I ever find/have/hold a job again that feeds me intellectually, professionally and financially? Will I be able to find an apartment that I can make a home, and how long will that last given that rental units are generally not "forever" homes? Will I find a sense of belonging/peace/serenity again? Will I once again feel secure in my ability to take care of myself?Will I ever feel "found" rather than "lost".

These articles each suggest a reframe. To consider myself "in between" rather than "lost" as I seek my future? To see this as opportunity, to give up the map I have forged a route on and become open to creativity, exploration and adventure. To use this time to process. To consider repurposing.

The advice from these articles:

Breathe. 

Stop the Distractions. Live in the silence and the space.

Notice the Signs

Have Faith. Don't Lose Hope.

Life is a journey. It is easy to become "lost in the in between" and hard not to ask where am I? Am I there yet? Am I taking the right steps?

Do I still feel lost? At times, yes. However I can also say that I am in between where I was and where I am going. This isn't a journey I had any intention of taking especially in my 60's, however it is where I am.

CREDITS:
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2016/09/when-you-find-yourself-a-little-lost-in-the-in-between/

http://wanderlust.com/journal/youre-not-lost-youre-just-in-between/

PHOTO: Was taken by me, please don't use without asking. Thanks!





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